Dezzido
"There are many lanes on the road to recovery. If we can provide a lane of inspiration and hope to a person on a cancer recovery journey, then we are heading in the right direction."
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My Story
It seems like yesterday but it was actually May, 1989 when I heard those three words that would change my life forever; "You have cancer." A feeling of disbelief and fear came over me as I sat and stared at the doctor. He explained that I was stage III follicular non hodgkins lymphoma. The following days were a whirlwind. All I could think about were my 2 children. What would happen to them if something happened to me? It was then that I realized I had a reason to fight.
How do you fight an enemy that you can't see? How do you win a battle when the war is within you?
I began chemotherapy treatments immediately. It was almost as if I could feel every living cell, good or bad, dying inside me. I was the sickest I had ever been. Everyday was a struggle to act as if everything was ok and carry on as normal as possible for my children, but some days were better than others. I didn't want the war to become theirs too.
One morning I ran my fingers through my hair only to have it slide off my scalp into my fingers. I ran to the mirror and nothing could have prepared me for what, or for who, was staring back at me. I tried to salvage the few strands that were left on my head after reluctantly removing my falling hair. My enemy called cancer now had a face. I was devastated and afraid that I was already losing this battle. I didn't own a wig so I tied a scarf around my head and cried. I cried again, and then I cried some more.
I had always believed in God and I remember the scriptures that kept coming to my mind, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1) "But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 1:6). I had to pray, strengthen my faith and trust in God to win this battle.
As I became empowered I decided to shave my head. I went wig shopping and discovered that not only could my hair be long or short, but curly or straight, blonde or brunette. I was in control of what I deemed to be my beauty. My hair loss was probably the least of the many challenges I faced while going through the chemotherapy treatments, but it was an important one to overcome and helped the cause of a new found hope.
Well, I got through it all and came out on the other side as a survivor but my story doesn't end there. In March 2013, I had a heart attack and a stent was placed in my artery. It was during that time my doctor discovered that my cancer had returned and it was stage IV with activity in my bone marrow.
My whole world came crashing down. I was positive that I couldn't take on another cancer challenge in my life and that the burden was too much to bare. You see, I had just lost the last of my siblings (also my best friend) 6 months prior to having my heart attack. My parents were deceased and for the first time I felt a sense of being alone. My 38 year marriage had ended and so had my home. Hearing the news of having cancer again, on top of everything else, brought me to my knees. I was ready to give up.
God revealed to me that my job here on this earth wasn't done. Giving up was not an option. Once again I had to prepare for battle. I prayed, strengthened my faith, trusted in God and was ready for war. Cancer was not going to win.
Losing my hair during chemotherapy wasn't as devastating as I had previously experienced. Even though my hair had grown back I continued to occassionaly change my hairstyle with a Dezzido over the years. Losing your hair can be traumatic. It can cause low self esteem, anxiety and a lack of confidence. Some women embrace their baldness and some women identify themselves through their hair. We all handle hair loss differently.
One more challenge to add to the list of many and one more victory. I have been cancer free and doing well. I thank God for my healing and giving me another opportunity to live my best life walking with other cancer warriors so they will not fight alone.
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I am Celeste.
December 2014 New Year's Eve
Victoriously walking into 2015 cancer free.
Age: 56 years living
Wearing a Dezzido!
